Nobody breaks my heart

“Today if you become frightened, instead, become inspired.” – Grey’s Anatomy

Hay kamote. Sinisipon nanaman ako. Bakit sa lahat ng panahon, ngayon pa. I can feel Christmas’ cold air! (Dahil nagkukumot na ako tuwing gabi. Hahahaha!)

Exams na in a few days, and I don’t know how to study for any of it. Nag-aral naman ako, nagrereview na naman ako. Kumpleto naman ako sa notes, hindi naman ako nagkukulang sa pakikinig (maliban sa CCF). Pero bakit feel ko babagsak ako ng bonggang bongga sa darating na third quarterly exams. I feel stupid tuloy.

“Pag pinagmuntik-muntikanan ka nang mahulog, doon ka matututo.” -  Trip to Quiapo

Here’s the thing about my reviewers.
I make them kasi I’m bored, and I have nothing else to do. I don’t mean to, like, use it to blackmail everyone na “Hey, you owe me kasi I made you reviewers!” or, “Do this or that because I saved your life nung exams!” No, not really. Guys, tanggapin niyo na lang kasi: I WAS BORED. :)) Mahirap bang i-digest na may panahon ako para gawin ang lahat ng yun? Di niyo pwedeng insultuhin ang bonggang bongga kong study habits at time management skills e. Setonotes nga, di ko maitawid e. Ito pa kaya? Lecheeegataskape.

Fine. Let’s face it: I failed Setonotes. I am a failure, and Ms Nanette will bury me alive soon.
I failed the only organization that kept me sane during the days I felt down and retarted. I feel like being in a tragedy, failing the only thing that made me feel happy and fulfilled and whatever! Ugh, parang gusto ko nang ialay ang sarili ko kay Bathala sa tuwing iniisip ko na kasalanan ko ang lahat ng delays at tralala na nangyayari ngayon samin. Kung pwede lang eh, aba, matagal nang may nagsasasayaw ngayon at iniikutan ang nagliliyab kong buto’t laman. Matagal na sanang may bonfire sa labas ng bahay namin, with matching anito and dancing around in circles.

Pero natamaan ako dun sa sinabi ni Bea the other day.
Iman: Wala na ata kaming pupuntahan dahil sakin e.
Bea: Edi papuntahin mo. (tawa) Pero seriously, e di make it happen.

It’s why I love my twin. It’s how my friends rock my world.

So go ahead, claim my reviewers as as your own or whatever. Ikaw naman ang tatamaan ng kidlat pag nagdesisyon si Karmang parusahan ka e. Buhay mo yan, ikaw ang mag-ayos.

“Trahedya raw ang pagsusulat ko. Tiyak kasing sasabihin mong hindi ako ang nauna, o pwede ring may kasabay ako. Pero ang pinakamatinding trahedya sa lahat: hindi ako ang huling magsusulat tungkol dun.”

I was reading Trip to Quiapo earlier, and it made me realize na gusto ko na ngang ialay ang sarili ko kay Bathala–dahil gusto ko nang may maisusulat, gusto ko ng bagong karanasan, gusto ko ng bagong destinasyon at patutunguhan, gusto ko ng bagong buhay, ng bagong ako, ng bagong mundo.

I can still smell the tulips from yesterday. Awesome, awesome. Will write about it, and look for my own Quiapo.

December na bukas.

• Pang-13th post ko pa lang to this month :|
• Di ko pa nakikita ang Second Quarter grades ko, kasi I’m in denial like that. Heehee. Pero tumaas ang rank ko sa klase, kaya masaya na rin :D
• When I thought na tapos na ang pagiging scriptwriter ko para sa taong to, sasapakin ako ng bonggang bongga ng Filipino play namin.
• When I thought na wala na akong play na aalahanin, babatukan ako ng bonggang bongga ng batch play namin.
• Sumali ako sa isang competition, tapos di ko man lang hinayaan ang sarili kong kabahan. Wala lang, petix lang ako ng bonggang bongga. Ako pa yung unang lumabas ng comp lab dahil I finished early. Kaya ayun, nabobo ako pagkatapos. “Yun na ba ang 100% ko?”-moment. I am starting to doubt what I can give. :| This is absolutely not nice. I know I’m not this sabaw.
• I made a new friend, tho :D :))
• Exams na in two weeks. Hindi ko alam kung pano sasagutan ang Math at Physics in one hour. Lokohan ba to? Arithmetic and Geometric Sequences plus FPOC, Permutations and Combinations? Tapos sa Physics, Laws of Newton, Momentum, Projectile? :| Naglolokohan ba tayo.
• I should really stop jumping into conclusions. I don’t like being this judgmental.
• I realized I should have more fun. Hahahaha.
• Malapit na magpasko, di pa ako nagcChristmas shopping. Kamusta naman.
• I think something’s wrong with me. I don’t feel good. Gah.
• This is my first happy Christmas since I can remember! :) I know nothing can go wrong cos I have him. And I’m more than thankful that I have him. Tama, tama? :) :*

Imma go get a life now.

Puputok na ung mga ugat ko sa katawan, pati na rin ang puso ko.

Haha.

I love you, Mr Castillo.
You know that already, pero what the hell. :)

I miss you!

FIRST THINGS FIRST!

Happy happy 16th birthday, Daniel Lumain! :D

(more…)

I think I just did a 10-minute essay that made sense, but looks like bull.

Nako, nako. You’re being childish again!

You can’t blame yourself for not wanting it. I mean, you have every right to want/need it. It’s in your system already!

The thing is, you don’t always get what you want, babe.

There would be times when life hits you in the head, and then you realize that there’s more to life than just waiting for an opportunity to come.

Make an entrance. Start your own line. Build a window. Break some glass. You can make your own mark. You can do anything. You’re super, and that’s what matters now.

Who cares if they don’t see the real you? You have your whole life ahead of you, and no one, not even them, can take that away from you.

One day, you’ll see, these shitholes won’t even matter.

Okay? So cheer up.

Go to bed.

Sleep tight.

Cos tomorrow’s another day you don’t want to miss.